Saturday, January 7, 2012

ALL the things I hate right about now

I don't know what else to do but just to write my serious anger away, after I am told I have to not get upset about not seeing Pryce for 6 months (screw that)..
I hate the Navy, first and foremost for making my life 800 times more difficult than this.
I hate my family (excludes a few) for not being able to help me in any way possible so I ALWAYS have to be on my own and hurting and abandoning me so many times that I live with this kind of pain and fear.
I hate the way my boyfriend is about anything with the word commit in it.. it clearly is not you, it is me darling. Stop blaming it on you.
I hate that I am so insecure in myself that I cant just tell him to respect me more, to stand up for me once in awhile, and maybe treat me like I am your proud of me.
I hate that every time Pryce leaves I become more and more numb and bitter.
I hate that I have to hear everyone trying to tell me I am not moral enough, I did not get 500 divorces or sleep with every guy when I was drunk so shut up that I want to work at a bikini  coffee place.
I hate that I am given shit about living where I am cause it is my only option and I am really trying to afford my own room.
I hate my friend for never being there for me because she is so preoccupied with her boyfriend that I set her up with.
I hate everyone for moving at least six hour drive away so I have no one to confide in.
Honestly, mostly I really hate myself right now for being weak enough to attack him, for getting my hopes up on something that will never be, for slowly moving myself away from God, for resenting all the things I do, for not being strong enough to be strong for him, for falling in love.
I feel as though I just need someone to cry and hug but instead I have a stuffed bear that makes me feel more angry and bitter.

2 comments:

  1. Awe sweetie it will be ok :)

    If you can save up you can always go and see Pryce :) Remember he doesn't always have to take leave. If its a deployment well I know some people meet at a port ;)

    I'm guessing he's in Conneticut. It's beautiful there!!! You'll want to visit ;)

    Sometimes you don't need someone next to you to be your friend. I have a lot of friends within phones reach. Yes it's nice to hang out with people but for a shoulder to cry on phone it s for me. My best friend is a sailor and can't always be here.

    Message me if ou need to talk

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  2. It sounds like you need a big hug! A virtual one will have to do from me. Life just plain sucks sometimes. I hope it all works out, I know it will, but I know it can seem like there is no way out when you're in the middle of the situation. If you ever want to vent I'm only an email away.

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