Always on the sidelines

Today was another difficult day for me, I finally told Pryce how I felt about what I want for the future. But it is clear to me that that does not fit into what he has planned. This aggravates me and hurts deeply, so today was a day of unlimited amounts of stress. I am the kind of person that will try to make everyone happy and make everything right. I always try to help people and I put their happiness above mine, so maybe that is why I so readily accept waiting around. He wants to wait two years to get married, and along with this comes tons of issues. Number one, my feelings, it really hurts me to think that he does not want to be with me after two and a half year together, it makes me feel like he is still unsure, when really I don't think that there is much to be unsure about. I have been around for some of his lowest lows and I have watched him change and stayed by his side through anything he needed me too. Number two, that means I am going to spend two years alone, I know I can deal with deployments, I am strong. But knowing that I will be alone and far away from him for two years and only seeing him on holidays kills me. I don't know how he can stand this idea, I really don't. Number three I am trying to go to school, and the program that I want to get in is a two year commitment program and that is important to me, my hope is he will get stationed in Bangor base in Washington State but I don't know. And the fact is that most young, single, submarine sailors get shipped to Japan for up to six months. Meaning, I am going to have to wait to do what I want to do, if he'd marry me sooner than he'd have a better chance at getting stationed in Washington and I already know which school I want to go to up there.
But apparently those things don't come into considerations. Quite honestly, I know I will deal with the pain and suffering. I just don't see why I have to.

Facing Fears and Dealing with Stress

These last few days have been better, in some ways. Mostly because I have found a few ways to entertain myself, including this blog. I have done a few renovations on the design, but I still have a lot more planned, so hooyah for an even better functioning blog! :]
I really appreciate the comments on my blog, it is nice to know that I am not alone, that there are others who are going through the same things as me. I cant wait to get to know new people in the same situation!
My other activities has been scrap booking and taking pictures of my baby cat, Kiwi.

Isn't she just adorable? She will be 5 months on October 7th :]
In other news, I faced a fear today, my fear of needles, and got my ears pierced! I got green earring because that is Pryce's favorite color! I know he is not here to see me with my ears pierced but still! I am so proud of myself, I reacted pretty well and only felt a little nauseated.
Well, still much to work on! Including a signature!