Resentment

Hello everyone! I feel like a horrible follower lately! I want to be able to post on all of your guys blog posts, but I really have been only posting on those who post on mine.
Lately, I have been feeling really resentful, that is the only way to describe it. I know it is unfair of me to be angry about his decisions, but it is just that his decisions keep hurting me and it is devastating. I feel like I am constantly asking myself what is wrong with me, why I am not good enough. Like it is my fault he wants to wait forever to get married, I feel almost, rejected. I know, forever is being dramatic but I am just so past the point in my life that I give a shit about being rational, it is stupid, the way people ration.
I am not stopping anything in getting in my way of being happy. 
I don't care about odds, I don't care about being wise, I don't even care about what people will say and I usually really care about what my family thinks. Actually, I am pretty positive they would all understand.
After everything I have gone through, I just want to slow down and enjoy life and work towards my goals and come home to a person I care about.
I don't blame him, I am just so past being young, and I know he is not. I have seen so much and been forced to grow up so fast because the people I trusted walked out on me that I know what I want in life. He, on the other hand, is still figuring it out, like a normal healthy person.
I don't want to party and hang out with my friends all the time, I want to save up for a decent car and get to spend time with the person I want to spend my life with. I know that I am the only person who is fighting for my future and I just want to feel like someone is on my side, that I am not so alone.
I want security.
He brings me security.
I want to feel protected.
But my nature I am the protector, I am at odds with myself.
I guess maybe it is good that I  am learning to get these things on my own, I am a strong person and nothing is going to stop me from succeeding and finding the security and life that I deserve. I know I don't need him to give me that, but it would help so much.

Why things are worth blogging

I don't think that I am an exceptional blogger or writer, but I do feel as though I have a lot to talk about. And why else blog other then to let my feelings out, if people do or do not listen, it does not really matter. I am not sure if I am going to be blogging as much as I like or not either.
But anyways, this blog is about my life being a Sailors Girlfriend. Sadly along with the happy times there is rough times, my boyfriend just graduated boot camp last Friday and I am ecstatic about being able to text him. But sadly calls are rare still and I have spent most of the last three days pitying myself. Which is unlike me, but my relationship as a Navy girlfriend makes things extra difficult on me, the military pushes people into marrying young, granting those who are married separation and housing pay, along with being more likely to get stationed where you'd like. I have always been a careful person, not impulsive in any way, defiantly not on getting married young, but even I am wanting marriage. It feels like it will be a security blanket, like a promise to me that I am not waiting for no reason, that there will be a less chance I will be away from the person that I love so much.
Me and Pryce have been together for over two years, we were seventeen when we started dating and were best friends for a long while before that. He is currently in "a school" and will be there for a year, all the way on the other side of the country from me. Plane tickets cost 400 dollars round trip months in advance, I have considered moving there, but honestly that would be a very lonely idea since he does not have much time off away from class. That and costs, jobs, and the other obvious reason on moving on an impulse. But hey, I can day dream cant I?
I will have a better, navy inspired layout for my blog later. I have some cool ideas :] So we shall see how that goes.
<3